HE ONLY TOOK MY HAND

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
Wendy's voice I did hear,
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But she did not appear.

She  said " Tam you've got to listen.
You've got to understand,
God didn't take me from you,
He only took my hand .

When I called out in pain that day,
The moment that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to his side.

He pulled me up and saved me,
From the misery and pain,
My mind was hurt so badly,
I could never be the same.

My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams,
And all that might have been.

I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die.

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Hi Sally,
Bryans suicide has put me into a world I never thought I would experience.  If you visited his website I'm sure you read his brother poem to him.  Bryan was a wonderful, loving, caring darling.  But he drank so much lately to drown he unhappiness.  We were surrounding him with all the love we had for him..He was the type of sweetheart who kept you wrapped around his finger.  His dad, sister-in-law and brother were with him on this terrible night when he was threatening to take his life.  He worked side by side w/his brother who has diabetes real bad.  He kept telling him what this would do to him if Bryan went through with it.  Bryan said then go with me.  He told his brother to take from his body whatever it took to make his diabetes well.  His brother told him it didn't work that way.  He stated he did not mean to hurt any one by doing this.  It was like he had lost his mind.  But they thought he had finally gotten ok enough to leave him with his dad  (we have been divorced for 3 years, after 35 yrs of marriage). while they went to get his truck. (he had been brought home because he was drinking so much.) He asked his dad if he wanted something to drink & his dad said yes.  The next thing his dad heard was the gunshot, looked up & saw Bryan falling back. He jumped up to try & catch him before he hit the floor.  911 put his dad on hold.  He lived about 12-15 miles from the city.  The bullet went throught his heart & lung so they said if they had been there is 5 minutes it would not have mattered. Sorry for such a long story but as you know it is unbearable most of the time.  My youngest brother had gone through a divorce & was so close to Bryan & this has devasted him.  I worry so much about what he might do. Do stay in touch. Connection with people who understand means so much.  I went to a counselor after Bryans death & she told me she has 3 children & cannot comprehend what I am experiencing.  So why pay her just to talk?.  Sorry this is so long.  God Bless you & your family & friends. Mary Ann 

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             For  the  hole in my  heart   there  is  no  band-aid  large enough. I miss you so much. But  this place  that  sister  Sally  created in  your  memory  is like a  warm blanket  on a cold  night  for  me. I   know   that  I  don't   write  much  only   because my  emotions   get  the  best  of  me,   I  do  visit  often  though  just  to  be  close to  you  .  Wish  you  were  here.  I  LOVE  YOU.

                                                                                                                            Donald   X  -O

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SORROWS UNDERNEATH
i think of all my problems
i think of all my pain
i think of how upset i am
until i go insain
i think of all the smiles i' ve worn
wich hide sorrows underneath
but noone seems to notice that i go through so much greif
my tears keep on flowing inside my tierd eyes
i want to tell someone
but my words come out as lies
theese days im feeling weak
my sadness pulls me further
from this happieness i seek
i have just begun to reilize
that my hopes and dreams are gone
im walking down a dead end road
humming a tuneless song
i keep on feeling sadness
and no im not alright
i think about it every day
and i dream at night
now she knew what she was doing
she finoally found a way
she beat through her depression
she grew her wings and flew away

A poem written by: Zihanna Rahman Published in Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul with words added by:  
Stephie Lynn Hart
1 / 1 / 05

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I will never forget the times I shared with you. The times in your pool , the times at my house , the sleep overs you me and Stephie had , the times at the beach with Anthony . I miss those times so much . You were the only one who really listened to me about my problems . Now that you are gone I don't know who's job that is . Aunt Sally does a pretty good job though. Mommy is pretty good to but no one will ever be as good as you were . I graduated elementary school in June last year . It made me sad that you weren't there to see me . I made my middle school basketball team . It really isn't fair that you had to miss such important times in my life . But you are in a happier place and that is all I can ask for . Aunt Wendy I love you and I will be missing you and wondering why for the rest of my life . You will forever be - my aunt , and my BEST FRIEND FOREVER . I LOVE YOU !!!!!

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I said a prayer for you today
And I know that God must have  heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although he spoke no word...
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small,
But it was His loving care
I prayed for most of all.

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Wendy
by The Fauves

Wendy is in love with him
She's gone, she's gone 

Forced myself out of bed this morning 
When I woke up I could see wet garden 
There's a thing called happiness
And there's a thing that people call denial 

I think it's gonna rain here
I hope it's gonna rain here 
Just before the pain sets in.

Turned my head to want something different 
Hope she wakes up and finds something missing 
If there's a chance for some reunion
If there's a chance you know just where I'll be.

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like my trail of tears
your always here
in my heart
there are no fears
only time can tell
why you fell
Wendy the broken angel
now free to fly
lovely wings
and eyes that can no longer cry....

i miss...
the day you handed me sissors and told me to cut your hair
The way you will spray my perfume alllll over my room
how you would stand outside in the cold just to smoke a cigarette and laugh when i said it was bad for you
How you would go threw my room and touch everything just to get a better look
how you tell me i was "perfect" even when i know im not
how proud you were of me and how you would tell me every chance you got
most of all... i miss YOU

i miss you... and i am doing all i can to help others that may be going threw the same pain you went through... i dont want to loose any one eles. ever!

my mom misses you alot too.. so does everyone...mommy crys alot too... but i guess its normal.

hope your having fun with nanny... hanging out in the clouds...

I LOVE YOU FOREVER... UR LIFE LIVES ON... through us....
much love, many tears... and healing hearts
forever missed RIP aunt wendy

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I Am Alive

I am alive.

I may have lost my brother, my sister, my parent, my child, my spouse, my friend...

But I am a survivor of the long, dark night,

Of unspeakable loss,

The unbearable pain of my own darkness,

And...

I am alive.

I am unwilling to stand idly by

And allow shame to defeat love

Or silence to defeat action.

I stand for enlightenment of a society

That would hide from suicide,

That would avoid, that would pretend...

And I am alive.

I am unwilling for my perseverance

To be in vain,

Unwilling for the passing of my loved one

To be in shame.

I loved them more than I loved myself,

And their life will have meaning

In my action.

I am resolved,

And I am alive.

In a world blinded by the pursuit of pleasure,

I am here to say

That people are in pain.

In a world of rushing to get ahead,

I am here to say

That people are being left behind.

In a world obsessed with the value of the market,

I am here to speak

For the value of life,

And I am alive.

This will be no quiet fight,

For I am a voice of audacity

In the face of apathy.

I am the spirit of bravery

In a word of action.

I am a commitment to action

In the face of neutrality.

I am out of the darkness

I am into the light.

And I...

I am alive.

 ~ This speech was given by Jeff Schuck at the opening and closing ceremonies during the Out of The Darkness walk for suicide prevention and awareness in Washington D.C. August 17 & 18, 2002. ~

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